According to the Oxford dictionary, Confidence is defined as the feeling that you can trust, believe in and be sure about the abilities or good quality of somebody or something. Some people are full of it, some have none. I fall somewhere in between.

I think I am suffering from Imposter syndrome defined as anxiety or self-doubt that results from persistently undervaluing oneโ€™s competence and active role in achieving success, while falsely attributing one’s accomplishments to luck or other external forces. Says the doctor in me with a good amount of help from google ๐Ÿ˜‚

This has been affecting pretty much everything I am working on. I have tried reading lots of books and googling the issue. I must say my mind has been opened up to new ideas and a new way of thinking about life in general.

We all experience life differently. Most of our experiences shape us and continue to do so until the last experience on this planet, which is death. There is no learning a lot from that one sadly or maybe there is, who knows ๐Ÿคท.

My level of confidence on most things is gauged. While some people flaunt their achievements and prowess in a skill, I like to shut up and let the results speak. However, lately Iโ€™ve become overly lazy and it takes a while before I pick myself up again. I am like an old steam engine ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚.

So far so good though, I like the progress I am making in my life. I have discovered that “you only got you” on this planet. We tend to worry so much, driving ourselves crazy over little stuff.

While you are in turmoil, someone out there is looking up to you as his or her hero/heroine. Also someone out there is a hater ๐Ÿ˜‚ . I like to think of this as the balance of life or the Yin Yang โ˜ฏ. In life, you will never have the best of one side there is always some sort of balance to everything.

The Corona Virus is a good example of this. While we are in lockdown the climate is improving. From blue skies and fresh air in China (which is a rare occurance) to fresh air in many cities globally. Without us humans ravaging the earth, mother nature seems to be healing herself. We must not let this Covid-19 pandemic teach us how to mitigate climate change.

Climate change just like this virus is a human problem not an individual one. I know it is a hard time for everyone. I feel for poor people around the world and those who’ve lost loved ones. What matters most is how we emerge on the other side.

Life is a set of delicate chaos and order. Therefore, the imposter syndrome and lack of confidence that I feel is just one of those chaotic moments in life. Remember it could happen to you or maybe it has happened to you. I’d love to hear of how you deal with such.

I want to take this moment to thank you for always being here for me. It means a lot. You are all I think about when I sit staring at a blank page. I love you a lot and I beg you to stay safe. Wash your hands and observe all the health guidelines stipulated in your area.

A special mention to Doctors around the world. You are angels may you be blessed abudantly. Thank you for giving yourselves to help other humans. We will defeat this virus. Almost forgot the police even though they be roughing up citizens in my country.

Thanks for reading. Take care of yourself and others.

Photography by Sophie Bojana

@Itsdemoray 2020

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